The Hero of Yggdrasil
by caos950042
Summary: A story to lampoon RO. A warrior 250,000 defeated a gigantic serpent. Now the serpent has regenerated, and the chosen one must venture to defeat the serpent. M for a lot of explicit language.
1. Introduction

**Introduction**

Disclaimer: I don't own RO nor this fan fic, Idefonso Mackramick owns the fan fic.

* * *

Introduction of characters

Protagonist: _Daniel Trazo_ – The chosen one (Level 8 Novice – Level 99 Lord Knight)

Antagonist: _Nidhogg _– The suicidal serpent

Other Characters

_Camary Tyota _– The King of Rune-Midgard (Level 99 King)

_Sentara Nasanatsu –_ The King's best servant (Level 95 Lord Knight)

_Accorda Hondata – _King of Jotunheim (Level 88 King)

_Quattro Audini – _Ruler of Svartalfheim & Alfheim (Level 91 King)

_MB100 Van _– The guard of the portal to the worlds (Level 99 High Wizard)

_Mercedes-Benz S600 –_ God of the Gods (Level 99 King)

_Audi A8 –_ Guard of Mimir Fountain (Level 88 Sniper)

_Volkswagen Beetle –_ Spy from Asgard (Level 90 Assassin-Cross)

_Danilo Trazo –_One of Midgard's finest soldiers (Level 84 Lord Knight, 71 years old)

_Laetitia Trazo –_ The greatest priest in all Rune-Midgard (Level 97 High Priest, 66 years old)

_Calogero Trazo _– Eldest son of the Trazo family (Level 60 Knight, 23 years old)

_Moufidia Trazo _– Eldest daughter of the Trazo family (Level 54 Priest, 19 years old)

_Carlo Trazo – _2nd son of the Trazo family (Level 51 Swordsman, 17 years old)

_Tanya Trazo – _2nd Daughter of the Trazo family (Level 36 Mage, 13 years old)

_Porter Hyundae _– The happy-go-lucky Knight (Level 65)

_Ceres Kiale _– The weird Wizard (Level )

_Subishi Strada_ –The Brains of the group (Level 88 Sage)

_Triton Fordall_ – The Brawns, but frequently gets ankle snared (Level 57 Lord Knight)

_Duratec Chev_ – The weird one (Level 54 Whitesmith)

_Heddy Rubaiyat _– Guardian of Memoria (Level 98 High Wizard)

_Gauthier –_ Nidhogg's most powerfum minion (Level 95 Assassin Cross)

_Corleone Cologne _– Nidhogg's most powerful protector (Level 96 Sniper)

_LeBoeuf _– A minion of Nidhogg (Level 56 High Wizard)

_Michel _– A minion of Nidhogg (Level 54 Assassin Cross)

_Omar Khayyam _– A minion of Nidhogg (Level 97 Paladin)

_Carbonara _– King of Niflheim (undead, Level 79 King)

_Napotalina _– Queen of Niflheim (undead, Level 80 Queen)

_Minestrone _– The Guard of Niflheim (undead, Level 56 Paladin)

_Adobo –_ Operates the portal between Niflheim and Midgard (Level 99 High Wizard)

_Bae-lout _– The Butler of the Trazo family from Niflheim (Level 79 Abysmal Knight)

_The Eyesig Brothers _– Bae-lout's 2 Companions who help him with chores (Level 63 Khalitzburgs each)

* * *

Thanks to:

Ildefonso Mackramick - for allowing me to post this.


	2. Chapter 1: In the past

**Chapter 1**

Nidhogg, the gigantic serpent that threatened to destroy the Yggdrasil, was about to fulfill his destiny. The only thing he needed to do was to go down a bit further and destroy the roots of the Yggdrasil.

The ruler of Yggdrasil, Toyota Corolla, was very frustrated, since one of his best servants betrayed him. He ordered everyone – every living being in Asgard, Jotunheim, Alflheim, Svatalfheim, Midgard, Niflheim, and Glast Heim to destroy Nidhogg. But it was no use. Every effort they've done is nothing but futile.

The Asgard gods' supreme powers ony stung Nidhogg. Not even the greatest 5 gods; Mercedes-Benz Esixhundered, Audi Aeate Turbodiesel, Biemdoubleyou Sevenfortyfive-Elay, Maybach Sixtytu and Lexus Elesforterty can defeat Nidhogg.

The Jotunheim giant's strength was nothing to Nidhogg. The greatest 5 giants; Pokemon, Digimon, Hondana Accorda, Beyblade, and Batelbidaman couldn't stand a chance against him. Even the Alf elf's magic powers are no effect against him. Not even DOTA, PRO, Tantra, Yurisrevenj, and Quattro Audini can dispel his magic.

The people of Niflheim were almost at extinction, and the great 5 perservered, but were killed in the end. RIP Pasta, Chicharon, Crispipata, Crimof Asparagus, and Vanilla Icecrim.

All the people of Midgard were nothing to Nidhogg. Camary Tyota tried his best, but not even he nor Sentra Nisanatsu could defeat him.

Many have tried, like the great 5 – Starex Hyundana, Viose Tyota, Britney Spears, Subishi Eltrihundred, and Prado Tyota could defeat Nidhogg.

Everyone tried to join forces to defeat Nidhogg, but it didn't work.

But when all hope was lost, someone from Midgard stood forth, wielding a large sword with a blade, glowing in a holy-blue color aura called 'the sword of Stan Marsh'. That person is the 1st chosen one, his name was Escarg Veel. He is also the creator of the extremely rare and delicious Carbonara.

He screamed to Nidhogg offensively and courageously.

"I'm gonna slay you, you nigga bitch! You've destroyed worlds and kingdoms, killed tone of people and shit, and destroyed structures as if they're a pile of crap, well that's ok for me, but destroying my 1st ever Carbonara dish, that's too much to bear, even though I still hold the recipe!"

Nidhogg riposted back, greatly offended by the nigger talking blabbing at him.

"So what you puissant dumb hick puissant peckerwood jerkwater white-trash bitchy asshole! I want to fucking commit suicide because I haven't eaten that fucking eagle that keeps flying around for billions of years already!"

"So what if you're fucking hungry, you nigga bitch! I'm going to kill you for destroying my first-ever Carbonara dish!"

Escarg Veel then wielded his mighty sword, and staved Nidhogg in the heart, then sprinkled lots of Bacon Rasher at his wound to intensify the pain and inhibit his strength. Nidhogg screamed in pain, and it was so painful that Nidhogg fell into a deep slumber. After all that brouhaha, everyone was tacit. They surveyed the damage that Nidhogg did. Everyone was sad, but happy. Nidhogg was slain, now they can pick up their losses and start again their normal lives after all that brawling.

After 2 years of rebuilding, the Yggdrasil universe (1) was back to normal. Everyone celebrated and partied all day long. However, it seems that Escarg Veel, the chosen one who killed Nidhogg, died after having a severe allergic reaction to Carbonara. Doctors autopsied the body and found out that bacon rasher was the cause of death. But no one cared anyway.

But what they didn't know was that Nidhogg was only in a deep slumber. For 250,000 years, Nidhogg was asleep while everyone led normal lives.

Until he woke up.


	3. Chapter 2: Daniel Trazo

**Chapter 2: Daniel Trazo**

Modern day Rune-Midgard. Everything was normal, no monsters or strange creatures in sight. It was relatively peaceful in the human world. People are working for their families, soldiers are protecting cities, a few people became conscripts (e.g. Knight, Thief, Rogue, Paladin, etc.) to protect the people just in case Nidhogg makes another attack, and the famous Carbonara festival is just weeks away. Everything seemed to be in good shape, but this time, history _will _repeat itself.

Nidhogg just woke up from a deep slumber. After sleeping for a mere 250,000 years (that's in Yggdrasil Years. In the real world, 250,000 years actually translates to 2 hours, 50 minutes), he's drowsy, tired, and ravenous for vengeance. He was also thinner, slimmer, sexier, and smarter than before, especially of what he learned from that experience a long time ago- being stabbed at the chest by the legendary sword of Stan Marsh and being sprinkled by tons of CDO Bacon Rasher from Toyota Motors Philippines Incorporated Balintawak Branch. Just thinking of that experience makes him want to cuss. Imagine a person placing an oily and hot strip of Bacon Rasher to a wound of yours!

"Aw… what the fucking hell happened… where am I?" Nidhogg groaned, still drowsy after all those years of sleep.

"What's that smell… … …bacon rasher? CDO bacon rasher? …! Holy Shit! Escarg Veel! Damn I'll kill that no good puissant hick puissant redneck jerkwater greenwood peckerwood bitch asshole motherfucker dickwad homosexual kvetch inquietude ubiquitous Carbonara making blabbermouth whippersnapper crack-whore fat-ass Barbara Streisand Kafra slut hode killing bad-breath ugly good for nothing orgy starter son of a bitch!" After all that cussing, he suddenly realized that everything was very different from before. The last time he seen the same place where he slept was a huge desert. Now it's lush with plants and life.

"What the hell is going on here? This place used to be fucking Muhammad's place of fucking peace! Now it's fertile? Well, never mind! I'll just go to Glast Heim and talk to the new leader of that place…"

After Nidhogg woke up, suddenly from out of the blues, strange creatures began appearing out of nowhere. Slowly their population rises, up to the point where they became so many, they have to movie in closer and closer to the cities. That's when the people noticed that something funky is going on.

Then, it happened again. As the monster population is continuing to skyrocket, new, powerful, deadly and hostile monsters began appearing as well. Some are familiar to the ancestors that survived Nidhogg's brouhaha 250,000 years ago. They remembered a creature that looks like a huge goat wielding a scythe- Baphomet. Then there's that motherfucking thug humanoid monster that kept spitting on people- Mobster. They even remembered some of the worst – Lord of Death, Dark Lord, Abysmal Knight, Britney Spears and Mr. Nicdao. They kept appearing out of nowhere. And since the monsters are so many, they started to appear in the cities and dungeons of the castles. Sudden and mysterious disappearances occurred in each city. And because of this mess, the people demanded the King of Rune-Midgard, Camary Tyotae tuforvi for action, and he happily obliged to do so. There, he launched a cosmos-wide campaign to eliminate all the monsters and kill Nidhogg.

"RAPPLE RAPPLE RAPPLE RAPPLE RAPPLE RAPPLE RAPPLE" The people rappled.

"Calm down people! Calm down!" King Camary Tyota ordered the people, but they won't stop rappling. So he ordered his best soldier, Lord Knight and General Sentara Nisanatsu "Mr. Sentara Nisanatsu."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASS-SPELUNKING GYNECOLOGIST CRACK WHORES OR I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU MYSELF!" Sentara shouted intensely to shut up the rappling crowd, and they really stopped.

"Ok, now. There are a number of incidents that have been going on in this place. People are mysteriously vanishing, some of them we're seen having huge bite marks and bacon rasher on their wounds. Now, here's what we're gonna do. I want you people to be brave, strong conscripts so that we'll protect ourselves from these anomalies you call 'monsters'! Kill all of them in sight, cute, friendly, beastly, hostile, vehement, all of those motherfucking pieces of shit! For every monster killed, I'll give a reward. The more powerful the monster, the more the reward, but you have to show me evidence. If you lie to me, I'll have to force you to eat the ultra-potent poison Swift Mighty Meaty Hotdogs, ok?"

"YES SIR!" The people answered. Then, the King formally started the worldwide campaign.

"Now, let the 'Monster-Thermidor' monster extermination campaign… BEGIN!"

And after that announcement, people began training themselves to prepare their exhausting participation in the worldwide Monster-Thermidor campaign. Soon enough, there we're tons of novices that are scattered throughout Midgard. They started killing monsters, from weak to powerful, each of them presenting evidence that they killed one. They were rewarded with miszeny, VTEC booster chips, VVT-I booster chips and i-DSI booster chips. Their work paid off, and the number of disappearances is reduced by 75. But still, the monsters kept on coming and are still ubiquitous, so it was a long, tedious campaign.

Meanwhile, in a place just a few distances away from Prontera is St. Capitolina Abbey, home of the legendary Trazo family. It is home to Danilo Trazo, Laetitia Trazo, Calogero Trazo, Moufida Trazo…

Danilo Trazo is the legendary Lord-Knight that settled the Carbonara wars that spread throughout the entire Yggdrasil Universe. He resolved the battle by buying a Toyota Corolla 1.6GLi during his golden years of fame.

Of course, cars in the Yggdrasil World were considered as the deadliest, strongest, most invincible monsters, far stronger than Nidhogg or everyone's strength combined. 2 examples is the omnipotent god of the Yggdrasil world, Toyota Corolla Altis 1.8G AT. But compared to other cars, he was friendly, kind, generous, loving, just and forgiving. With him is his younger brother, Toyota Vios 1.5G AT. He's the total opposite of his brother- Cruel, dark, foreboding and a huge tattletail to his favorite brother, the Toyota Corolla Altis 1.8G AT, who still has a hard time teaching his younger brother to be a "good boy".

And how Daniel Trazo stopped the war was amazing to everyone, ridiculous to him. He went past hode city to go to Toyota Motors Philippines Balintawak Branch located in C5 top buy 15 packs of CDO bacon rasher. He however, was a contestant to the store's lottery, in which he won a Toyota Corolla 1.6GLi. He brought the car home, and it surprised everyone. Even the most powerful gods that lived in Asgard (pronounced Assgard)- Mercedes-Benz S600, BMW 760Li, Audi A8 turbodiesel, Porche Carrera, Ferrari 575M Maranello, Ducati Ebio, Lamborghini Diablo, Jaguar XJ-Type, Rolls-Royce Phantom, Maybach 67, Bentley Arnage, Buick Regal, Chysler 300C HEMI, Lincoln Navigator, Lincoln Continental, Lincoln Town Car, Harley Davidson, Adidas, Tracy McGrady, GM Corporation, Honda NSX, and BMW X5 were shocked to see a human being defeated such a powerful monster. He even used the car to kill one of the Yggdrasil world's most wanted criminals, Thomas Co! Everyone praised him and he stopped the Carbonara war that was raging for 50 years because of Jotunheim's refusal to share its endless supply of Bacon Rasher, heavy cream, Parmesan Cheese, Salt and Pasta, and he was famous for that. Now, he's an old, run-down twit that does nothing except for eating Carbonara and drinking Red Wine.

His wife, a high-priest named Laetitia, became a bitch from a holy, devoted woman because of age. She's pregnant.

Their 4 children are named Calogero, Moufidia, Carlo and Tanya, 2 boys and 2 girls.

The eldest son, Calogero Trazo, is a strong, 23-year old level 60 Agility type knight. He usually kills tons of monsters for resources to help run the finances of the family. He is also part merchant, selling some stuff to people for more money.

The eldest daughter, Moufidia Trazo, is a 19-year old level 54 Magnus-Exorcismus (ME) priest, currently learning the prerequisite skills of the ME skill. She helps his brother in his monster hunting. Just like her mother, she's devoted to doing her job as a helper. Just pray hard she won't be a bitch when she turns old!

Then here's the youngest son, Carlo Trazo. He's a 17-year old level 51 VIT swordsman. He usually is the troublemaker, always causing all sorts of trouble. One time, he nearly got killed by Britney Spears, a dangerous zombie monster located in Payon Dungeon which appears once every 5 years.

The youngest daughter, Tanya Trazo, is the different one. She's a 13-year old level 36 mage. But despite a bit different from her family members, she's one of the most powerful mages ever, with the ability to kill monsters more powerful than her. The toughest monster she ever defeated was a Bathory. She can even beat the hell out of level 50 mages due to her ingenious and clever strategies, and she's the smartest of all the Trazo children.

One day, Laetitia Trazo was about to give birth to another child, at the old age of 66.

"Honey! Hey, Danilo!"

"What the fucking hell is it now, bitch?"

"My water broke and it fucking hurts! Bring me to the nearest hospital you Carbonara-eating, red-wine drinking kvetch, unkempt nigger asshole and step on it!"

"Hey woman, there's no need to be in a rush! Now, hop on this freaking Peco-Peco!"

"It's so damn hard! Give a push up!"

"…damn your ass is big and pruny and it smells like a dead human! Fuck you gal, but when is the last time you soaped your ass?

"Just yesterday, nigger! Now will you step on it, please!"

"Ok, ok! Now stop being a kvetch and shut up!"

And after that intense cussing, Danilo ordered his Peco-Peco to step on it. The journey was quite long, because of the maze they have to go through to enter Prontera. And even in the journey, they still kept on cussing each other.

"Hey you fuck-faced gynecologist, hurry up! The pain is getting worse, so step on it, you horny bastard!"

"Stop being on a rush woman! I'm trying my best to make this fucking Peco-Peco go faster, ok? I left the damn Carbonara at home!"

"Ugh… how many times do I have to tell you NOT to forget the any important stuff when going on a journey? The last time we went on a trip to Jotunheim 5 years ago, you forgot to bring the Sting-based oil fuel for the freaking Corolla, and we were stuck in the middle of the fucking hot El Mas Plateau for like 12 hours, and we're already bathe in shitty sweat! Geez your addiction to red wine made you a forgetful bastard!"

"Now will you fucking shut up and forget about it? It wasn't my fault you know the kids at that time got so hot that they raped and had sexual intercourse with that Kafra girl near the entrance to the Magma dungeon and we got reprimanded by that!"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up and just focus on bring me to the nearest hospital already!"

"Ok, woman, ok! Now will you please shut your mouth before I'll get a hode to kill you!"

"Err… what's a hode?"  
"Dumb-ass! You **_DON'T _**know what a hode is? It's those worms that live in a place called Hode city. They always kill women because they love to fuck the little man in the boat while they're dead!"

"Umm… I don't get it. What's that little man in the boat?"

"Aww! Even that you don't know? That's your clit, woman! The little man is the clit, while the boat is the something that's close to the anterior junction of the labia minora, just above the opening of the vagina, stupid! If we men jack off by playing with our dicks, you women jack off by massaging your clit or something! Damn, do I have to tell you all of this!"

"Yes, you horny nigger."

"Aww! Fuck you!

After all that cussing and a brief lecture about female genitals, soon they reached Prontera and went to the nearest hospital. As they arrived at Opel Hospital, Danilo immediately ran inside like a stampeding bull to get a wheelchair. He pushed, tumbled and even hurt people blocking his way just to get one. As he got a wheelchair, he ran quickly to where Laetitia is and carried her big fat ass, dropping her to the wheelchair. Danilo then pushed the wheelchair as if he was a racecar driver, and he howled at the people for a doctor.

"Can anybody hear me? Hello, help me? Can anyone hear me? I said I need help out here!" He tried again and again to get anyone's attention, but it didn't work, because everyone was to busy. Then, he got really pissed off and bloated out an angry, really offensive scream.

"HEY, YOU LAZY, SLACKING, MOTHERFUCKING PEOPLE! I NEED HELP OUT HERE, SO STOP DAMN WORKING AND SEND ME SOME HELP, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, VAGINA-SPELUNKING, PENIS CUTTING, COLD-HEARTED, NIGGERFUCKING, WHITEY-RAPING GYNECOLOGISTS!"

And after that one hella of an offensive scream, he got everyone's attention. Then, an angry, yet handsome-looking doctor arrived.

"Hey, you! Who the hell do you think you are? Tom Cruise the tattletale? Stop fucking offending us doctors or we'll fuck you! Now, what the hell is going on here?"

"Can't you see you freaking gynecologist, my wife needs a delivery! She's about to give birth to a new baby!"

"Oh, so that's why. Wait, I'll call my assistant. Hey, nurse gasoline 93! Get your ass right here! We need help!"

Then, a weird-looking man in a Ragamuffin cape arrived, holding a condom and a few douches.

"Yes, sir! Nurse gasoline 93 reporting for duty, sir!"

"I want you to send Mrs…"

"Hey, doctor, that's Mrs. Laetitia Trazo, my wife."

"Mrs. Trazo! Yes! Nurse Gasoline 93, send her to the abortion clinic, right away. Oh, and by the way, Mr. Trazo, I HATE GYNECOLOGY!"

"Oh, really? Why?"

"I hate gynecology because it requires a lot of memorization of diseases such as Vaginitis, AIDS and you know. I like to fuck women because I have a magical penis. Now, will you excuse me, I have to send your wife to the abortion clinic."

"Ok, go ahea… WHAT THE! HEY! WHY THE ABORTION CLINIC! COME BACK HERE YOU DUMBASS!"

But the doctor ignored him as if he was deaf.

"AWW! DAMN IT!"

After that nasty conversation, the doctor and his assistant sent Mrs. Trazo to the abortion clinic, where he will perform the delivery. Mrs. Trazo is happy to have a…

"Wait a second! Hold on there sir! Why are we going to the abortion clinic? We're delivering a baby, dumbass!"

"Shut the fuck up, dick! Don't you know that all delivery rooms are full?"

"Oh, sorry sir."

…a new baby. It's like the olden days she used to remember. A few minutes later, they finally reached the abortion clinic. There, the delivery will be performed.

"Hello, Mrs. Trazo. I'm Doctor Turbo-Intercooler Diesel. I will be performing the delivery in this abortion clinic because there are no available delivery rooms. Now, I just want you to calm down and relax. We're going to give you some dried bean casserole to put in your vagina as an anesthetic to reduce the pain, 3 dishes of Carbonara so that we all dig in while performing the delivery, and a Classic Bolognese to make your vagina, clit, labis majora, labis minora and vulva look good and young again, ok?"

"Ok, I understand. Now, shall we do it?"

"Yes, let's do this! Now, nurse gasoline 93! I need a plate dried bean casserole!"

"Dried Bean Casserole!"

"3 Carbonara dishes!"

"Coming right up!"

"Philipps screwdriver!"

"Here we go!"

"Don Henrico's smelly Italian penis"

"Don Hen… what the fuck!"  
"Heheheh, just joking. 4 and ½ quarts of Vietnamese Prostitute Vaginal Fluid contaminated with Herpes Zoster and AIDS!"

"There we go!"

"Now, let's wish that this delivery is successful!"

After hours of painstaking surgery to help deliver the baby, it was a complete success. They have delivered successfully, the boy that will soon become the chosen one, Daniel Trazo.

"Whew! That was hard work, but it's a success! Here's your baby, Mrs. Trazo!"  
"Aww… isn't he cute! The little baby just looks like his older brother! I think I'll call him Daniel.

"That's a nice name. Now, I need you to get out of here for a while. I have 3,562 people pending for an abortion?"

"Oh, ok! See you later!"

"Yes, see you."

Then suddenly, a flash of light came out of nowhere, and seems to highlight the baby in Laetitia's hands. Just as fast as it appears, it disappears. Laetitia just shrugged it of and dismissed it that it was just her imagination.

After that, Laetitia went out of the abortion clinic to find a long line of pregnant women, demanding an abortion. Laetitia was curious on how long is the line of pregnant women demanding an abortion. She went to the other side of the hospital, and then went down the staircase to the ground floor, which is 5 floors below the abortion clinic.

"Wow! That line of pregnant women is so freaking long! I wonder why they want an abortion. Even Marionette ghosts are in line!"

As Laetitia was in the abortion clinic as Dr. Turbo-Intercooler Diesel performs the delivery, her husband is slacking off at the Prontera pub, drinking and eating.

"Ugh… that was some grub I ate" Danilo said, in a harsh voice of a drunkard.

"You got that right!" A level 52 swordsman said after Danilo grumbled.

"Imagine drinking more than 15 barrels of red wine and 3 plates of Carbonara! Are you rich or something?" The level 51 thief said in shock and awe.

"Yup. My name is hic! Danilo Trazo of St. Capitolina Abbey hic! My wife is the boss of hic the monk school she instituted hic a-hic ages ago."

"Wow! Aren't you the legendary Danilo Trazo? You have a Toyota Corolla, right?" The swordsman said

"hic you got that right! However hic its crankshaft broke, and was beyond repair, so we have hic to send it to the hic junkyard along Libis Avenue, where hic those fucking rich people in hic a place called Greenmeadows, uuagh!"

"Oh. Well, I better be… pheeeeeeyu! What is that rotten smell? Mr. Trazo? Mr. Trazo? …SHIT! The old bastard died! Well, never mind. He's too old anyway."

The level 52 swordsman toghether then paid his bill and left the stinking pub, while Danilo is dead after suffering a severe allergic reaction to the Bacon Rasher, making him succumb to leukemia, then died afterwards.

Laetitia is having a bit of trouble carrying her baby, because Dr. Turbo-Intercooler diesel said that her baby is going to stand tall soon. She looked for someone to help her, but no one came to her aid. Until a young, swordsman came to her aid.

"Hey, you kid!"

"Yes, ma'am?"

"Can you help me carry my baby to my home?"

"Well, sure! Of course."

"Ok. Be a bit careful, he's rather heavy, you know."

"Ok…"

The two went through the castle, then outside Prontera. There, along the way to Laetitia's home in Prontera field 01, they made a conversation and soon, became good friends.

"Hey kid, what's your name?

"Bardoner Crepes, ma'am"

"Bardoner Crepes… Crepes… Is that the family from Louyang I heard in the news that was massacred by a Bloody Knight?"

"Yes, and I'm the only one left. I'm just an 11-year old, level-17 swordsman, and I'm all alone here. I traveled for long distances from that shitty place just to get here, because this place is abundant with monsters where I can get lots of cash."

"Oh. By the way, now we're on the maze part. Be careful here, as lots of Mandragora are scattered throughout the area! Don't even make a noise!"

"Why?"

"Because, Mandragora creatures are too strong for you to battle! They can kill any person coming near it that has a base level less than 25. I can defeat Mandragoras because not only have I transcended to a high-priest, but I also am level 97."

"Really? But please, tell me more about those Mandragora creatures! The dangerous ones I've encountered so far- those annoying bees somewhere in the mountains, and their queen "Mistress". They really piss me off, but I was able to kill the queen"  
"WHAT WHAT WHAT! You're only a level-17 swordsman and you killed a boss monster!"

"Well, I felt much stronger after killing the bee, but I just shrugged it off."

"Stupid! You gained 3 base levels by just killing that creature!"

"Really? But tell me more about Mandragoras!"

"Well, let's see… they're these plant creatures that hide in the bushes. They have long, ultra-sensitive tentacles that detect vibration. Even our heartbeats can be felt. One thing that makes them dangerous is that they're pitcher plants. They always grab the feet of any victim approaching near it. They then use their full strength to bring you nearer, so that, that victim can struggle and struggle hard until they're exhausted. They'll keep on holding on to the victims for hours, sometimes even days, and this will expose the victim to the harsh conditions, especially at night when the temperature is freezing, the air is extremely moist. This will make him sick, then soon die of starvation, dehydration, hypothermia, disease and fatigue, and the Mandragora will then eat the victim. How's that?"

"Oooh! That's a bit scary."  
"Now, let's shut up and be quiet, or else those creatures might grab and kill you!"

"Yes ma'am!"

So the two quietly tip-toed through the entire Prtfild02 region. For Laetitia, it's nothing. But for Bardoner, it's like walking through a minefield. It was scary at best for him, as he doesn't want to be eaten alive.

As they reached the final passageway to the Abbey, both took a deep breath and moved on. However, something grabbed Bardoner by the feet.

"What the… Urrrrrgh! I can't move! Ma'am, please help!"

"Oh boy, a Mandragora… Aaaargh!"

And with one hit, the Mandragora was dead.

"Whew! Thanks ma'am!"

"Now, let's go before more of the Waldsteins arrive!"

"Waldstein? What's a Waldstein?"

"Stronger versions of the Penomena, only thing is, they're on land unlike the Penomena, which is on water. They're super strong and poisonous, with venom that'll slowly drain the holy shit out of you. Usually, if you're stung by a Waldstein, you'll get its toxic energy draining venom. You'll slowly get weaker and weaker until you die. But something really nasty about it is you'll never really know you've been poisoned until you can notice that you're getting weaker and weaker, even though you level up, you'll still get weaker. It's incurable, nothing can cure it, not even the omnipotent ruler Toyota Corolla Altis 1.8G can cure it. But rumor has it, if you're stung and poisoned by that creature, you need to go outside of the Yggdrasil Tree to Toyota Motors Philippines Incorporated Balintawak Branch along "C5" and get some sort of stuff called "Phenylpropanolamine Hydrochloride Diphenhydramine Paracetamol Ibuprofen Telmisartan Hydrochlorothiazide Atorvastatin Calcium Penicillin Bambuterol Hydrobromide Acetic Acid Hydroxyapatite Fluoroxyapatite Risedronate Sodium Metformin Deuterium Oxide Maleate. It costs around 950,000 miszeny."

"What's the antidote again…? Phenylpropanolamine Hydrochloride Diphenhydramine Paracetamol Ibuprofen Telmisartan Hydrochlorothiazide Atorvastatin Calcium Penicillin Bambuterol Hydrobromide Acetic Acid Hydroxyapatite Fluoroxyapatite Risedronate Sodium Metformin Deuterium Oxide Maleate, and it costs at about 950,000 miszeny?

"Yes. By the way, nice memorization!"

"It runs in the family."

"And here we are!"

Bardoner stared in awe the huge villa in front of him. It was huge, majestic, elegant, luxurious and decorative.

"Wow! This house is huge!" Daniel said in awe.

"It costs 450 million miszeny (or 45,000 pesos) to build that house.

"So damn expensive! What's in there?"

"My kids, who are fast asleep in their beds."

"You have children?"

"5 of them. The one in your backpack is the 5th."

"Here's your baby, Mrs…"

"Mrs. Laetitia Trazo."

"Mrs. Trazo. Now, I better get going! I have a PVP battle with someone!"

"Ok, see you next time!"

"See you, ma'am!"

"HEY, WAIT! Here's my payment for you helping me bring the baby to my house".

"Wow! A dish of Carbonara! This is like, the rarest dish ever! The cheapest costs at around 450,000 zeny! Thanks, ma'am!"

"Don't mention it, sonny boy."

Bardoner then went back to Prontera as a happy boy. He ate the Carbonara then proceeded to the PVP battle. There, he met his archrival, Arugula Ravioli with Tomato Pancetta Butter, a level 21 thief from Umbala, a town that's very close to Niflheim. But Arugula Ravioli with Tomato Pancetta Butter began to cheat again- he brought his 3 party mates- 1 from Geffen, 1 from Payon, 1 from Louyang. The person from Geffen is named:

Carrem Isanexcellentmathteacherthatteachesusthetopicsveryclearlybutgivesextremelydifficulttestssoshesstillascrewybitchandcrackwhorethatlikestorapwhileteachingmath, who is a level 19 acolyte.

The person from Payon is named: Stampede sa Ultra, who is a level 14 swordsman.

While the person from Louyang is named: Cheaper by the Dozen, who is a level 15 mage.

But Bardoner is ready just in case Arugula is cheating, so he brought 3 of his friends as well- 1 from Al de Baran, 1 from Amatsu, and 1 from Comodo.

The guy from Al de Baran is named: Beranger Calupa, who is a level 23 thief

The guy from Amatsu is named: King Tutankhamen, who is a level 51 archer

The guy from Comodo is named: Maria DeRavina (note that people in Comodo give men women's name and women men's name, because everyone in Comodo is either homosexual, bisexual, polysexual, asexual or hermaphroditic), who is a level 67 dancer.

The 2 teams went on PVP, but it's obvious that Bardoner won because his 3 friends are too strong. Then, the 3 were defeated almost at once by a level 78 Sniper from Payon- Si Gloria Macapagal Arroyo ay nagdaya sa elections dahil kay Verhillio Garcillano.

But it's ok, as he's too powerful, but kind. Bardoner then went to his inn, the very inn where Danilo Trazo will live.

7 years and 11 months after Daniel Trazo's birth, in the Trazo household…

"Rise and shine you kids! It's 6:30am! Time for you guys to join the Carbonara Festival!" Laetitia said to her 5 kids

"What? Carbonara Festival Already? Hmm… YES! Today is the Carbonara festival! Daniel said cheerfully.

And with that, the other 4 kids soon followed, getting dressed in their suits. They soon ran to Prontera, and joined the Carbonara hunt. They were enlisted. Then, the emcee announced something-

"The Carbonara hunt will be postponed by a week due to that the judges from Asgard, Jotunheim, Alfheim and Niflheim haven't arrived. But anyway, maybe during this week, you'll train yourself for the dangers that you'll face next week. See ya!"

Daniel, now a level-8 novice, sighed in disbelief. "Aww! But good thing. Mother's party is 4 days from now. So that's a good thing."

In the Trazo household, a knight and his assassin companion, the one that witnessed the death of Danilo Trazo 8 years back when they're still a swordsman and a thief, came in. Both had a nasty conversation with the wife, Laetitia.

"Is this the Trazo home?"

"Yes it is."

"Hi, I'm a piece of useless shit from Morocc, and this is my friend, a piece of junk that is worthless, also from Morroc. We're sad to inform you, Mrs. Trazo that your husband died."

"Did he died after drinking more than 15 barrels of red wine and eating more than 3 full servings of Carbonara?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"Well, you useless piece of shit…"

"Piece of useless shit, not useless piece of shit! Please use it in the transposed sentence form, not the natural form! Using it in the natural form is very offensive to us people from Morocc!"  
"Sorry. Well, he actually does that every other day when he's vehement, and I don't actually care about it."

"Why?"

"Well, you piece of useless shit, he is old and too drunk to even speak nicely to me, so I became a bitch!"

"Oh, ok. Um… we'll be leaving now…"

"But by the way. Why do people in this damn universe have weird names? For instance, people in Morocc have names like "useless piece of crap and shitty crack-whore that fucks people from Payon, while people in Payon have names like, Hello Garci Scandal, Iraq War, Oil Price Hike and Hurricane Katrina disaster. Then people in Comodo have names like pussy, weasel, gangbang, fingerbang, fuck, sexual-intercourse, dumbass and dickwad, and probably the worst of them all, those midgets from the remote places. Amatsu has names like Samsung, Nokia and Motorola. Gonryun has names like Diphenhydramine, Phenylpropanolamine and Metformin. Juno has names like Cancer, Tuberculosis, Hypothermia and Gastroenteritis. And worst of all, people in Geffen have terribly long names like Johnny Whydidyoufuckmygirlfriendandgetawaywithityousonofabitch and

Vincent Isanogoodpieceofshitthatcheatspeoplejustforfun."

"Different cities have different traditions, therefore they have different names. For instance, people in Louyang have names like 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Freaky Friday, Bad Boys 2, Cheaper by the Dozen, and the Truman Show because they like watching movies and they're so supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, that they decided to name themselves after those movies, especially because it's written in their "Doctrine of South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" that anyone who has a favorite movie should name themselves after it. Then people in Umbala like to taste food, just like the now defunct people of Niflheim close by. Their names like Arugula Ravioli with Tomato Pancetta Butter and Stuffed Lamb in a Potato Crust with Truffles is based on their favorite food. Now do you get it?"

"Yes, yes. By the way, since you've informed of the death of my missing husband, I'm inviting you to my party! Lots of Spaghetti with Artichokes will be served. It's 4 days away!"

"All Right, Mrs. Trazo! Hey, a piece of junk that is worthless, let's go!"

The 2 happy people from the poor, uncivilized city of Morocc went to Prontera to buy decent clothes for the party. Laetitia meanwhile prepares the food, decorations, table, etc. for the party, with the help of bae-lout and his companion Khalitzburgs, the eyesig brothers.

The children soon arrived, and they helped their mother and her companions to set up for the party. They helped set the tables, added decorations, made painstakingly difficult but high-quality invitations, and helped arrange everything to order. It took them 3 painstaking days, but it was a complete success. Tanya, the know-it-all mage of the family, used her teleporting abilities (via a clip with a creamy card inserted into it) and teleported to every relative of the Trazo family, and a few special guests like piece of useless shit and piece of junk that is worthless. The day after, everyone came, including Daniel's friends.

But just right before the party, Nidhogg is in Glast Heim, the dark gods city, in room 1.3J with his fellow companions, Gauthier, Corleone Cologne, LeBouef, Michel, and the fucking pessimist from Persia who made the extremely long, extremely atheist, purely nonsense huge piece of boring shitty junk poetry called 'Rubaiyat', Omar Khayyam. They discuss their plans of ruling the Yggdrasil universe once again.

Nidhogg and Gauthier discuss the plans, while the 4 others are outside, touring around the dark city of the Glast Heim kingdom ruled by Toyota Vios 1.5G AT together with his huge plethora of personnel.

Nidhogg is looking at the house of the Trazo family through the Sony Plasma Screen TV in the rooms of the Toyota Motors Philippines Incorporated Commonwealth Branch Hotel.

"Now, here's what you're gonna do for our weakener attack, Gauthier. We have to eliminate the family of the chosen one, which happens to be that novice kid over there. They have a history of having severe allergic reactions to bacon rasher. What you have to do is, cook lots and lots of Carbonara dish with huge amounts of bacon rasher, and make it look like Spaghetti with Artichokes and Spaghetti Marinara. Next, sneak into the Trazo household and quickly replace the Spaghetti with Artichokes and Spaghetti Marinara with the Carbonara dishes you prepared. Next, immediately teleport back to Toyota Motors Philippines Incorporated Commonwealth Branch Hotel located on V Street and immediately report to me the current events happening and everything else about the mission, whether it's a failure or not. I'll always be here in room 1.3J, but sometimes expect me to party with the hot Toyota Vios 1.3J and Toyota Celica SSII crack-whores downstairs in room 1KD-FTV, where the restaurant is located. Got that?"

"Yes sir!"

"Let operation Carbonara begin."

The day of the party. Gauthier is disguised as a high-priest. He enters the Trazo household, cloaked. He then reaches the kitchen, quickly replaced the Spaghetti with Artichokes and Spaghetti Marinara with his Carbonara dishes.

"I hope that's enough" He said to himself. He then teleported back to Glast Heim, exactly on V Street, went to the Toyota Motors Philippines Incorporated Commonwealth Branch, entered room 1KD-FTV, then reported everything to Nidhogg while having random sex with lots of Toyota Vios 1.3J and Toyota Celica SSII crack-whores.

As the party started, everyone enjoyed themselves in drinking wine, brandy and beer, and in eating the Spaghetti with Artichokes and Spaghetti Marinara, which unknowingly to them, is just Carbonara with huge amounts of Bacon Rasher disguised as Spaghetti with Artichokes and Spaghetti Marinara. Everyone is having a great time, except for Daniel, who is a bit dolorous, and he introspects about the current things happening and what would happen next. This is because; he always has this sensation that something is really wrong, ever since the party started. He knows that a high-priest has broken into the house and suddenly vanished without a trace, but he doesn't have the guts to tell his mother, or else, chaos will dominate the party. He does this just outside his house for an hour or so. He then returns back to his home. He was shocked to what he saw- everyone is dead. Even his novice friends, Will Beattheholycrapoutofyou, Mary Poppins, and Beranger Tylor, and Laetitia's friends, piece of useless shit and piece of junk that is worthless are all dead. There, Daniel knelt down, and cried all throughout the night. He's so disconsolate that this event will remain in his heart throughout the rest of his life.

After 4 hours of sobbing, he eventually got up, because he knows he should move on, despite the tragedies like this one. He then began to investigate the house on why everyone died. He covered his nose because of the awful stench of ammonium that is all over the place. And then, he found out why his family and friends died. The food they ate is Carbonara with too much bacon rasher added. The Trazo Family has a long history of having severe allergic reactions to Bacon Rasher, particularly CDO. Once one Trazo person gobbles up lots of CDO bacon rasher, one of the ingredients of the CDO bacon rasher called betchin (monosodium glutamate) is released into the bloodstream once the strip bypasses the heart. The betchin will then spread throughout the bloodstream. This is normal for most people, but in the case of these people, it's a different story. After the betchin spreads, the helper white blood T-cells detects the preservative and it sends a signal to attacker white blood cells to produce a unique and deadly chemical called Arthanacadsium Monohydrosulfuric Pehydroxide (Ar3Cd5H2S3O2) to remove the monosodium glutamate. However, the Arthanacadsium Monohydrosulfuric Pehydroxide causes immense tissue and nerve damage, and the chemical can quickly spread throughout the bloodstream, spreading throughout the body and melting everything in its path. It causes death in less than 5 minutes after ingestion. Now Daniel knows why his family died. Someone sneaked in the house and replaced the Spaghetti with Artichokes and Spaghetti Marinara to a Carbonara in disguise. After that, he stays in his house for a few days and waits for the Carbonara Festival. He also gathered up the family's finest treasure- A +9 Adurate Helm, Iron Cain, Fin Helm+8 Full Plate Armor of Recovery+5 Immune Manteau+10 Katzbalger+8 Adidas T-mac 4 rubber shoes+8 Green Greaves, Necklace of Muscle and Nimble Necklace. He used the +8 T-mac 4 rubber shoes to increase his defense (defense rating 3+8), vitality (VIT +9), dexterity (DEX +2), and strength (STR +3), with the expense of Agility (AGI -5) and Dodge Rate (DODGE -2), and the +1 Balumung sword (ATK 250, All Stats +50) hidden below the pile of weaponry. He then waited patiently for the Carbonara Festival.


End file.
